I've never had pollen allergies before...that was before I moved to DC.


Now I'm crying (more then usual anyway), sneezing, and feel like I've been snorting pollen like Tony Montana snorts 'white pollen'.  Seriously, for someone that's never had allergies (I know, boo hoo me, well...YOUR MOM), its downright hurtful.  So, I decided to do what any person would do: GOOGLE.


Search string: "food that helps spring allergies"
What I found (courtesy of ezine articles):

1. DRINK WATER
Half the number of your weight and drink it in ounces.  Example: 160 lbs = 80 oz of water.  That's roughly 5 bottles of water.  That's a lot of water..but anything to stop the mucous flow.  PLEASE.

2. AVOID MUCUS CAUSING FOOD
Avoid mucus causing food such as meat, dairy, eggs, fried foods, chocolate, and anything remotely good.  Wait, did I say "anything to stop the mucus flow"?  SCREW THAT.  I'm not sacrificing my favorite foods, there must be another way.

3. EAT ANTI-MUCUS FOOD
This includes flaxseed, hempseed (will I get the munchies afterwards?) and walnuts, generally anything high in omega 3 fatty acids.  I think I'll have to be going to a sushi buffet every night.  Well, maybe instead  I'll drink fish oil by the gallon full to get my fatty acids on.  Maybe.

4. EAT FOODS W/ BIOFLAVONOID QUERCETIN
Just know that grapefruit, wine, and onions are high in these.  This specifically helps with the watery eyes and runny nose.  YES!  PRAISE JESUS!  This is exactly what I'm looking for.  So next time I'm writing a post, I might be drunk of wine and eating an onion salad w/ a grapefruit vinaigrette.  At least when I'm writing the post I won't be wanting to rip my eyes out.  I HATE POLLEN.  WHEN'S SUMMER?!

Now, you might be thinking, "Hey, doesn't risotto involve cheese and cream?  What the hell are you doing that combining it with fermented cabbage?"  Well, that's the fun part of cooking right (and the essence of MACGUY-FOOD)?  If you've ever heard of Shin Ramen (thats a ramen package that comes in all red and squiggly oriental markings), it's spicy ramen and it is DELICIOUS with American cheese.  I've also tried Kimchi Jigae (a korean stew) with butter in it, and again, DELICIOUS.  So, I figure, why not?  Well, I'm about to find out why NOT, why NEVER, why I'M AN IDIOT.

The ingredients:
12 oz aborio rice (risotto rice)
1 pt. whipping cream
4 cups warmed low sodium chicken broth
2 tbs. butter
salt
1/2 chopped up shallot
Roughly 1 cup Kim-chi
2 slices of Bacon
1/3 cup grated parmassean
2 cloves garlic

Step 1: Prep Ingredients
From my one other time of making potato risotto, I know I have to prep all my ingredients.  So start warming up your chicken broth, chop up what you need, and grate cheese.

Step 2: Add Butter, Oil, Bacon
Heat up butter and oil, then render the bacon fat and remove bacon before it gets burnt up.  So far so good.

Step 3: Add Kimchi, shalots, and garlic
This is when things started to go to hell.  I added the shallots, garlic, and kim chi.  Then things started turning brown.  Now, my rule is, if you're not making chocolate, brown is probably bad.  And I'm not talking about golden, I'm talking about poop brown.  The picture on the left looks like a poop brown.  Crap.  I mean, shoot.  I should've taken a taste test and see where this was heading, but I think I was afraid.

Step 4: Add in rice, bacon, stir till absorbed
Now you want to add the rice to absorb all the stir fried goodness you just made.  What did my rice absorb?  A poop brown collage of kimchi, garlic, and shallots.  Hmm.

Step 5: Add in chicken broth 1/2 cup at a time, then add in cream + cheese
I had to transfer to another pot b/c the one I had it in was going to be too small for it cook evenly (or so I think).  So I transferred to a new pot and began adding chicken stock.  Now, one note, I think the chicken stock was on the verge of extinction b/c the smell that was coming out of the broth wasn't exactly aromic.  Either way, I added a 1/2 cup of chicken broth at a time while stirring until absorbed and repeated until I used all 4 cups of my warmed up chicken broth.  Then I added the cream and cheese until absorbed.

Step 6: Eat....or don't.
This probably would've looked great if the thing I was cooking was brown rice risotto.  Unfortunately, I was using WHITE rice risotto, thus creating this dish.  What did it end up tasting like?  A mix of sour chicken broth and cream.  I could kind've of taste the Kim-chi, but I think it just added more sourness and not the subtle sweetness or spicyness of the Kim-chi.  Doh.  Either way this was definately NOT a success, but hey, trying is half the battle right?  Ugh, I'm starving.....

Every now and then, a person will ask me, "Hey Macguy-Food, what hypes you up to cook?"  I say, "Bacon.  KEVIN Bacon."

Sometimes I just want to dance in an abandoned warehouse.  By dancing, I mean cook, and by abandoned warehouse, I mean in my home.  Sure, we're often constrained by our jobs, our obligations, our commitments, but sometimes, you just want to DANCE..I mean COOK.

Honestly, I just wrote the above as an excuse to show you this Footloose clip.  I find it funny.  I imagine if I cooked with the same fervor that Kevin Bacon shows in this clip, I'd either come out making some of the most amazing dishes or just be missing several fingers after I accidentily cut them off.  Either way, here are some outdated (like the Footloose clip) 80's food to reminisce on (all photos taken from 'inthe80s.com':

I actually remember these.  These lil snacks were up there with Gushers, those fruit wraps (I think it was called Foot Long Fruit?  Something like that..) and those crackers with the cheese spread.  My personal favorite were the Gushers; we actually used this as a form of currency in 2nd grade.

This was actually a burger made by Taco Bell called the 'Bell Beefer.'  When you're called Taco Bell, you should probably stick to selling Taco's.

Teaching kids how to hold a cigarette before they could actually hold a real one.  Real nice America.

Something called 'Burbles.'  It's basically Kool-Aid in a cool container, so that, you open, stretch the bottle out, add water, and have your mind blown away by the greatest fruit drink ever.

WELCOME TO THE FOODIEFIGHTS THUNDER DOME!  6 CHALLENGERS, 2 WEAPONS, POTATOES AND LEMONS, 1 WINNER!  And probably 6 very full stomachs.  I wanted to use the lemon in a couple different ways (ceviche, deep fry, aioli) and use the potato in a more traditional use.  I will break down each component of my dish:

 LEMON POTATO RISOTTO CROQUETTE

First up is making the risotto.  Since I've never made risotto, I used this recipe as a guideline:
2  pounds Yukon gold potatoes
2  tablespoons  butter or margarine
1  tablespoon  minced shallots
1  teaspoon  minced garlic
1  tablespoon  minced fresh thyme leaves or 1 teaspoon dried thyme
1  teaspoon  minced fresh rosemary leaves or 1/2 teaspoon chopped dried rosemary
1 1/2  cups  fat-skimmed chicken or vegetable broth
1/2  cup  whipping cream
Salt and pepper
*added 1 Lemon's lemon zest and grated parmasean

Step 1:  PREP
Chop roughly 2 lbs. (or 5 potatoes) of Yukon goodness into 1/4 inch cubes.  They say it imitates rice, but really, its just 1/4 inch cubes of potato. 

Prep rest of ingredients, including shallots, garlic, lemon zest, rosemary, and thyme.  PREP NOW.  I know risotto can be a fickle dish, requiring special attention.  One move and I might get slapped in the face because I couldn't meet my risotto's needs and feelings.

STEP 2: SAUTE + CHICKEN BROTH
Add in butter + some oil to prevent butter from burning, add in shallots and garlic, and fry for a bit, add in potatoes, rosemary, thyme, stir till semi clearish (took me about 6 minutes), and add in chicken broth, 1/2 CUP AT A TIME.  Don't add more or else you'll prpbably have mashed potatoes on your hands.  Keep stiring not letting the potatoes out of your sight until broth is reduced.

STEP 3: Add the Cream + Lemon Zest
Add in cream, grated parmasean, and lemon zest let it reduce into risotto-y goodness.  They said potatoes should be al dente, but I'm not sure if this was the case.  I don't even know what al dente potatoes would be like.  Just cook and taste and hopefully it resembles Risotto.

Step 4: Chill and making risotto balls
For Croquettes, you need the following ingredients:
Chopped up Mozzarella
Panko
Egg + Flour to cover

Make balls out of the chilled risotto and fill each ball with a little mozzarella goodness.  Then cover with a bit of flour, then egg, then cover in panko.  Be generous w/ panko!  There's a reason Wendy's uses panko to cover their delicious Alaskan Cod sandwich (that commerical will always be stuck in my head).

Step 5: Shake (fry) and Bake!
Fry those panko covered goodies up until nice and golden on each side (panko fries up FAST) and stick em in the oven at 375 degrees.  Your final product should look something like this (see picture below):

SHRMP CEVICHE

Another dish I've never made, but used this as a guideline (under Shrimp Ceviche):
2 pounds of shrimp
approximately 10 lemons
1 hot pepper
1 chopped onion
1 teaspoon salt
*added some avacado + chopped up bacon

Step 1: Cook Shrimp, prep ingredients
Clean and cook shrimp for 5 minutes in hot boiling water, while that's boiling, chop up a red onion, tomatoes, and avacado.
Step 2: Combine everything and chill
Combine shrimp, onions, tomatoes, lemon juice (enough to cover ingredients), chill for an hour.  Add avacados and cooked bacon when plating up.  It's that simple!

Lemon aioli

Again, never made Lemon Aioli, used this as a guideline :
4 egg yolks, at room temperature
2 large garlic cloves, finely minced
1 cup extra-virgin olive oil
3 to 4 Tbsp. fresh lemon juice
Salt and Pepper
*added wheat bread in my depesration to make aioli thicker

Step 1: Blend and Drip
Blend all ingredients BUT the olive oil till frothy, then slowly drip in olive oil (I don't think I did this right, which resulted in more of a soup then sauce)
Step 2: Chill
Chill and pray that it thickens (at least thats what I did).

Deep Fried Potato Lemons

As a garnish, I'd thought I would deep fry some lemons in freeze dries Idaho potatoes (or whatever was in that Idaho Spuds box). 
Lemons
Egg
Flour
Idaho Spud Mashed Potato Mix

Step 1: Cover them Lemons
Cover lemons with flour, then egg, then a nice portion of freeze dried mashed potatoes

Step 2: FRY!
Fry it up!  You can eat them as well, but I advise you slice it and eat it with the croquettes since it's a freaking deep fried lemon; it's not gonna taste like candy.

PLATE AND EAT!!

WHAT DID IT TASTE LIKE??
LEMPOTATY!  The creaminess and subtle flavor of the lemon zest in the croquette matched really well with the garlic + lemon taste of the aioli...think lemony creamy mashed cheesy potatoes. 

The softer texture of the risotto croquettes matched well with the crunchiness of the ceviche, where really the lemon flavor took hold.  It added a freshness, a sort of warm vs. cold, and cut through some of the creamy taste that  accentuated rather then over power the croquette.  The avacado and bacon added a nice depth of flavor as well. 

As for the deep fried lemons, they tasted like french fries that were doused in lemons...which is to say REALLY REALLY strong.  However, it went well ok with the heaviness of the croquette.  Still, I made the deep fried potato lemon more as a symbolic image of the love the lemon and potato made through out this dinner course.  NOW FEAST ON THE FOOD PORN BELOW!

*Author's Note- I wrote this back in 2007 when I was in college and living off of $600 a month, $400 of which was going to rent.  Costco = savior*

Ever see that show $40 a day with Rachael Ray?  It's a show where she can 'only' spend $40 a day on food.  Now, I know its under the pretense that shes out in a new town, getting good food on the cheap...but thats just crazy.  Who spends $40 a day??  Well, maybe a majority are willing to, but not me damn it.  So I'm here to show you how to live on $40 A MONTH.

Let's break it down. 
1.  You only really need one food in your life to survive and thats Peanut Butter.  I prefer extra-crunchy, but it doesn't really matter.  George Washington Carver is the orignial culinary genius.  Not only is Peanut Butter filling, but its sort of healthy.  It has protein and sugars and if you feel REALLY fancy, the organic kind doesn't have hydro-badforyou fat.  So, lets say conseratively, 3 Jars of Peanut Butter.
3 JIF Extra Crunchy (28 oz. each)- $11.67

2. You need bread and lots of it.  They say white bread is bad for you, so lets go to butter top wheat.  I have no idea if its any better for you, but I like wheat better anyway.  5 slices a day (1 half sandwich for breakfast), means 30 slices per week.  Thats about 5 packages of bread:
5 Acme Buttertop wheat Bread (20 oz.each)- $10.00

3. If you noticed, I left room for 3 meals a week, which at some point you can mooch of either leftovers, free church meals, or random school events serving food.  If you think thats stretching it a bit, you haven't looked hard enough yet.
3 Random meals from mooching- $0.00.

4. Ok, so maybe 5 1/2 peanut butter sandwiches are not good enough for you, per day.  Well then, How about some rice, soy sauce, sesame oil, and egg?  Mmm.  Lets take into account two weeks worth of ingredients.  So..
2 Cartons of Large, grade A eggs (18 each carton)- $6.00
**I don't know oriental prices, so here are estimates for the following:
1 Kikkoman Soy sauce (10 oz.)- $2.001 House of Tsang Sesame Oil (5 oz.)- $3.49

That leaves us with $6.50 to buy rice with.  Now, I know roughly speaking, no one sells 2 weeks worth or rice, but I'm going to make a stretch and say that 2 weeks worth would be around $6.50. 
2 Weeks worth of rice: $6.50

5. You want something to drink?  Turn on that tap baby!  Mmmm.  Taste the free minerals.
Unlimited Tap Water: $0.00.  (If you really want to be technical and say you still pay for the water bill...then go get water from water fountains.  Problem solved.)
So There you have it.  Now, as a side note, you CAN do better then this, but I'm just pointing out you can live well with not one, but TWO ghetto foods and all for less then $40 a month.  If you have any other ideas, be free to comment, b/c I'm getting sick of eating peanut butter and rice/soy/sesame/egg.

MISSION:
Using leftover fries and attempt at making a Latka and salvaging this weak-sauce looking leftover gyro/hero-platter.

TOOLS:
Salt, Pepper, Water, Micro-oven, Toaster Oven

STEP 1:
Place fries in bowl to beat these pathetic fries into something useful.  Add a lil water to help heating/making things more awesome.

STEP 2:
Remove from bowl and mash with barehands (if you're awesome) or spoon (if you're a sissy man) and flatten into this shape.  Add salt and pepper to keep potatoes company/seasoning.  Put on aluminum foil for optimum awesome-ness and place in toaster oven.  Set toaster oven to toast and toast till it toasts.

STEP 3:
Remove awesome to Latka and put back into left-over container box.  Heat up all other leftovers in Mirco-wave (didn't deserve picture b/c it lacked any improv).

STEP 4:
Plate up remaining ingredients so it looks like a 1-star gourmet meal (instead of the -3 star meal you started out with) and EAT. You've been MACGUY-FOOD-ED.